Archive for April, 2011

Plan B: NOT An Abortion Pill

OK, first of all, I’d like to state, for the record, that I don’t think any other woman’s reproductive decisions are my business. Or anyone else’s. I don’t think it’s appropriate for a stranger to ask someone what they’re using for birth control, or are on fertility drugs, whether their multiples were the result of a procedure or “natural,” or if they’ve ever had an STD. And I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone to judge someone they don’t know. Bottom line is, you’re not in their shoes, you don’t want your life and all of your decisions on display. So why it’s acceptable for someone to ask/be involved in personal decisions is beyond me. Do I talk to my close friends about birth control? Sure. But I don’t ask strangers. And if a stranger asked me what I used for birth control (or whether I used laxatives, have ever had a UTI, or if I have a vibrator), I’d find it offensive. Back off, people.

Beyond that, though, my rant comes from somewhere else. It comes from local (Kansas) news message boards. I have accepted we’re a conservative state. Take it for what it is, just like I’d have to take a liberal state for what it was if I lived somewhere else. But every time there’s an abortion-related article posted on a local news outlet, the comments section is overwhelmed with hate. And misinformation.

I know I’ll never stop abortion hate talk. And it comes from both sides. Abortions are another thing, like religion and politics, I only speak in close company about. And no, I won’t tell you which side of the issue I stand on. Because, frankly, it’s personal. And I don’t care or need your approval.

But one thing that irritates me about posts is blatant misinformation. And today’s specific topic: Plan B. Listen, Plan B IS NOT “the abortion pill” or “an abortion pill.” In fact, it has nothing to do with an abortion. All it is is birth control. High dose. It would be like me taking several birth control pills at once (usually this happens because you forget to take them for a few days – there are specific ways to handle such situations, but many women will take all of the missed pills at once).

Anyway, there IS an “abortion pill.” I am not informed enough to know whether or not you can get it in Kansas. And I’m not sure if you could get it, whether it would involve a prescription. And it’s a moot point, really, because that’s not what we’re talking about, either.

What I do know is Plan B is a high-dose birth control. If you take it after you’re pregnant, it won’t do anything to harm you or the fetus. Just like if you became pregnant while on the pill. Continuing to take the pill won’t affect your health, or the fetus’ health.

You don’t have to get a doctor’s approval to get Plan B. You can get it at almost any pharmacy. You present an ID, but not so they can record you in some sinner’s database, rather only so they can prove you were 18 or older. And they do that as some sort of protective measure to ensure a child isn’t involved in some type of abuse, and the abuser would force her to get Plan B.

So I just wanted to clarify this. Plan B: NOT ABORTION PILL. It’s no different than taking birth control. I understand men generally don’t know their birth control from their prenatal vitamins. I’ve mostly accepted this (although I don’t condone an uninformed person talking, male or female, on any topic, not just birth control). But what blows my mind is women who are on birth control talking about “the abortion pill.” And it hurts my spirit. Women should not be flogged into submission with their birth control choices. Or made to feel guilty for making a responsible decision. We women need to stick together. Not just with our reproductive choices, but in general. Let’s accept and love each other. Not judge and hate.

Good day.


Contraception And Other Health Decisions Are Private

And I don’t mean just for women, I mean for men as well. But since women are the ones who carry a baby, it seems like their contraception and reproductive health choices are on display, for everyone to judge. From politicians to religious zealots. And those same people are in the middle of everything. Judging people. Some with the thin (and not-believable) veil of “saving” someone else from herself, but others just being plain judgmental.

I’m sick of “Christians” judging everyone around them. And furthermore, they want to restrict access to birth control THEN restrict access to abortions? And restrict access to basic healthcare (such as annual exams, including STD and other testing).

Listen, people, humans want to have sex. Humans LIKE to have sex. Have you had sex? Do you do it as a chore? I hope not. Although, many of those preaching are married. So it’s easy for them to say, “Don’t have sex until you’re married.” How many of them actually waited? How many are happily married now and not straying?

We’re one damn judgmental country. And I’m fed up with it. Why don’t we all get out of each others contraception, sexual and personal choices business? Let’s love one another, accept each other, and most of all don’t judge, lest you be judged. I’m pretty sure most of these “holier than thou” people have skeletons in their closets, too. And no, I won’t tell you whether I have, had or will use birth control. I won’t tell you whether I have, had or will have premarital sex. I won’t tell you if I’m gay or straight. I won’t tell you if I go to church on Sunday, believe in God, or think most of those who speak loudest are sinning the most (OK, obviously I do on this last one). The truth is, my personal choices are none of YOUR business. Rather than looking at me and judging me, look at yourself. What areas of your life can you improve? How can you improve the overall good of the world? Until those two things are done, quit casting judgment and negativity on those around you. Because it’s not a good color on you. And I’m pretty sure it’s not getting you any free passes into Heaven.

A Cheater Is As A Cheater Does

I was reading an article on CNN about why women cheat. And for the record, I think any article generalizing all women is absurd. So let me get that out there. I don’t think you can say “all women.” And even saying “most women” is a stretch. There’s a huge difference between me and my closest friends (who I have things in common with, otherwise we wouldn’t be friends) and even me and my sisters in our motivations and tendencies. We all have our own personalities and why we do what we do can’t be characterized in general.

But, aside from that, I had to pick out a few of the most annoying points in this article.

  1. On men cheating: “Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.” This, strangely, was a reason that men cheating is better than women. Apparently because they don’t care about the person they stuck it in, it makes it more acceptable. Um, no it doesn’t. Have you heard of STDs? Have you heard of illegitimate children that I would be helping raise? Have you heard of lying? Have you heard of commitment, morals or right and wrong? Annoying. Listen, Ian, let’s say we’re married (although, clearly, our divide this early in our relationship means we shouldn’t be). If you stuck it in some chick, it’s over. If I let some dude stick it in me. It’s over. We’re not happy enough to be monogamous. Why are we together? Hopefully by the time we figure this out, we don’t have kids.
  2. On a woman’s income correlating to her likelihood of cheating: “A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000.” I can’t speak from experience here, because I’ve never been married and haven’t been in a committed relationship for a long time… But I’m going to go out on a limb here and say women who don’t feel dependent on a man are more likely to seek out happiness of their own. Rather than feeling like she owes the man. I have no problem with one-income families. In fact, I wish I were trusting enough to be in one. But, when my first boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue, I realized he could have done that five years into our marriage, with a few kids. And I’d be stuck because I intended to be a stay at home mom. I didn’t have any plans to put much focus into college. But when he left, and I couldn’t do anything about it, I realized I need to take care of ME to give ME a chance to be able to take care of myself. Because I guarantee you, dude leaves, he’s fine. He has the job. He has the money. And I’m sorry if I’m cynical and jaded. But when I do get married, if I’m not happy, I’m a lot more likely to get out and be happy if I can take care of myself. So I say in this case, you go girl! (No, I do not condone cheating. But I do condone finding someone you’re happy with. Life’s way too damn short.)
  3. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.” This is one of the most ridiculous statements in the article. So, because men don’t think, it makes their actions OK? I think maybe men should start thinking. (Yes, I know I’m starting to generalize here. But I tend to do that when I get generalized.)

All that said, I think cheating is deplorable and selfish. If you’re not happy, communicate. Figure out what you need to be happy. If your partner can’t give that to you, make it clear that you’ll find someone who can (after ending the relationship).Then follow through. Leave him or her. And find someone who does make you happy. Why’s it gotta be so complicated?

And for God’s sake, if you know you have no self-control, or can’t see yourself with one person the rest of your life. Don’t get married! Sheesh.