I was reading an article on CNN about why women cheat. And for the record, I think any article generalizing all women is absurd. So let me get that out there. I don’t think you can say “all women.” And even saying “most women” is a stretch. There’s a huge difference between me and my closest friends (who I have things in common with, otherwise we wouldn’t be friends) and even me and my sisters in our motivations and tendencies. We all have our own personalities and why we do what we do can’t be characterized in general.
But, aside from that, I had to pick out a few of the most annoying points in this article.
- On men cheating: “Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.” This, strangely, was a reason that men cheating is better than women. Apparently because they don’t care about the person they stuck it in, it makes it more acceptable. Um, no it doesn’t. Have you heard of STDs? Have you heard of illegitimate children that I would be helping raise? Have you heard of lying? Have you heard of commitment, morals or right and wrong? Annoying. Listen, Ian, let’s say we’re married (although, clearly, our divide this early in our relationship means we shouldn’t be). If you stuck it in some chick, it’s over. If I let some dude stick it in me. It’s over. We’re not happy enough to be monogamous. Why are we together? Hopefully by the time we figure this out, we don’t have kids.
- On a woman’s income correlating to her likelihood of cheating: “A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000.” I can’t speak from experience here, because I’ve never been married and haven’t been in a committed relationship for a long time… But I’m going to go out on a limb here and say women who don’t feel dependent on a man are more likely to seek out happiness of their own. Rather than feeling like she owes the man. I have no problem with one-income families. In fact, I wish I were trusting enough to be in one. But, when my first boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue, I realized he could have done that five years into our marriage, with a few kids. And I’d be stuck because I intended to be a stay at home mom. I didn’t have any plans to put much focus into college. But when he left, and I couldn’t do anything about it, I realized I need to take care of ME to give ME a chance to be able to take care of myself. Because I guarantee you, dude leaves, he’s fine. He has the job. He has the money. And I’m sorry if I’m cynical and jaded. But when I do get married, if I’m not happy, I’m a lot more likely to get out and be happy if I can take care of myself. So I say in this case, you go girl! (No, I do not condone cheating. But I do condone finding someone you’re happy with. Life’s way too damn short.)
- “For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.” This is one of the most ridiculous statements in the article. So, because men don’t think, it makes their actions OK? I think maybe men should start thinking. (Yes, I know I’m starting to generalize here. But I tend to do that when I get generalized.)
All that said, I think cheating is deplorable and selfish. If you’re not happy, communicate. Figure out what you need to be happy. If your partner can’t give that to you, make it clear that you’ll find someone who can (after ending the relationship).Then follow through. Leave him or her. And find someone who does make you happy. Why’s it gotta be so complicated?
And for God’s sake, if you know you have no self-control, or can’t see yourself with one person the rest of your life. Don’t get married! Sheesh.