Archive for September, 2010

Oh, Sammi, You Are A Dumb Bitch

Has anyone seen the deleted scenes from last week’s Jersey Shore episode? I can’t get it to embed, but here’s the URL:

There’s not really anything too intriguing or exciting here. But it pisses me off every time the letter comes up. I cannot understand Sammi. I don’t want to believe a girl can be as stupid as she’s coming across, but I’ve finally conceded she is. She’s not the victim of bad editing. She’s just a dumb bitch.

Listen, Sammi. Your girls are trying to: 1. be good friends by telling you what’s up 2. help you NOT look like a fool 3. save you from STDs. Let me be clear: THEY. ARE. NOT. THE. ENEMY!

They told the truth, and you’re mad at them? FFS. This is why girls need to get a grip on life. Listen, unless they’re in love with the dude, girls rarely ever lie about what a guy’s doing. They aren’t jealous of your jacked up, all we do is lay in bed and fight and whine relationship. They don’t want Ronnie. Hell,  I can’t figure out why YOU want Ronnie. He’s a cokehead. And about 5′ 4″. And jacked up on steroids. And stupid. And has no real personality. And a manipulator. Jesus, NO girl wants him.

And you’re an idiot.

Thank you for your time.


I’ll Take That Steak WITHOUT A Side Of Screaming Child

OK, I’m sure I’m going to sound like a bitter-hearted, unloving, child-hating bitch. And if that’s what I am for feeling how I feel, then fine. I’ll take the label. But I’ll be damned if I’m not as pleased as 2-4-1 night at a bar when I hear restaurants are starting to crack down on screaming children.

Do I care about the screaming kids at McDonald’s? Not really. I mean, annoying’s annoying no matter where you are. But I am SO sick of going to nice restaurants and listening to someone else’s unruly children being annoying brats. There, I said it. Mean, huh? But those are the thoughts in my head, so I’m going to throw them out there. Honestly? I don’t even think my problem is with the children. My problem is with the lazy, selfish parents. And before anyone goes getting all in a tizzle, here’s my definition of lazy and selfish:

  1. Your son’s screaming. You’re ignoring him because you’re “out to dinner and trying to relax.”
  2. You’re used to it, so you don’t notice it.
  3. You don’t want to pay for or can’t afford a babysitter, and parents gotta eat, too!
  4. The child screams all the time. There’s no point in trying to make her stop. She’ll work it out eventually.
  5. Honestly, I don’t see why it’s anyone’s business. We’re at our own table.

Here’s my response in order.

  1. Newsflash, asshole! That’s why everyone’s out. And it’s kinda hard for everyone else to relax with all the screeching. If you’re at least TRYING to make the situation better, people are more sympathetic. If you’re lazy, people only hate you more.
  2. Let me enlighten you. We’re not used to listening to it. So make it stop. Before we have words with you. That’ll definitely make your evening less relaxing!
  3. Pop quiz: If you can’t afford a babysitter, maybe you also can’t afford dinner. Hey, I’m just being honest. And if you can’t afford dinner, you’ll probably leave a crappy tip. No one wins in this situation, except for you. Pretty selfish. Bad karma points.
  4. The child is screaming for a reason. Step up to the parent plate. Figure out why. And fix it. Or if it’s one of those random times she really is just having a fit, why don’t you let her have it outside? Hey, just a thought.
  5. You might be at your own table, but my ears still hear you. And my ears are annoyed.

Am I a bitch for thinking this stuff? Maybe. Am I insensitive to your plight as a parent. Probably. But I have chosen to not have kids because I am not selfless enough to be a good parent. I want to go to dinner whenever I want. I want to sit at dinner, uninterrupted, and enjoy a relaxing meal. I don’t want the responsibility of another human on my shoulders. I don’t want to have to put someone else before myself. That’s what parents do.