Wow! Look at how the world’s changing! It used to be single women (not men, although maybe when they’re into their 40s or 50s?) are pitied. It’s assumed they don’t enjoy being single and are desperate to find companionship. I’ve been trying to convince those around me otherwise, but I’m from the Midwest, so of course it’s a struggle. But it appears the winds of change are bringing in new insights and the general population finally believes a woman can be single AND happy! Yay for new perspectives!
First of all, I will preface this by saying if someone fantastic came along I’m not going to shut him out. I would love to have “that connection” with someone and share time, experiences and memories with him. Is marriage for me? I’m undecided. I have a feeling if I met someone so great I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, my heart would open to the idea of marriage. But there are so many who think the selection is limited, take the best you can get, marry, and have children. That’s NOT my perspective. I believe you get one life, live it the best you can with what you’re given. And if I’m not “given” a man I feel is a right match for me, then maybe I’ve been “given” the gift of being single!
I have written about being happy being single in the past. But I would also like to address why I might like to have a husband:
- Help around the house. Yes, I said it. And it’s selfish, but there are things you need a second person for, no matter how strong, tall, coordinated you are. And this becomes even more apparent when you aren’t tall, strong or coordinated. I depend on my family for a lot I feel guilty about since they’re all married.
- Going to events. Not because I want a date, but because it sucks to show up somewhere when everyone else is late. Married people are strangely oblivious to how annoying it is for a single person to sit in a restaurant/bar/wait in the lobby of a movie theatre, etc. alone. Especially when you’re in someone else’s way, occupying a large table alone, or in a not-so-safe-feeling environment.
- While we’re at it, it’s nice to NOT walk alone to my car. I don’t necessarily need a man to feel safe, but when it’s late at night in a not-so-well-lit area, having a companion seems to increase safety.
- “Man jobs.” OK, I’m being really sexist here, but there are a lot of things men typically do. Many girlfriends and wives in my life complain that their husbands and boyfriends don’t do these chores right, on the right timeline, or well enough. So who knows, maybe I’d be as ungrateful and complain-y. But mostly I’d just like someone to split the chores (which I guess is similar to help around the house, but more from an efficiency perspective).
- Cheaper per-person bills. I’ve NEVER understood people who say, “You’re so lucky being single and living alone. Your bills have to be SO CHEAP!” Um, hello! Generally, one person uses about as much electricity and gas to heat and cool a house and run general appliances, and has the same house/rent payment as a couple. And you have TWO incomes. It’s NOT cheaper to be single. You pay all the bills alone. If I could find a partner in crime, think how fast we could payoff the house and how early we could retire. And then REALLY start living!
- Security – I live in a safe neighborhood, but I still have my moments of thinking someone else is in the house. I know it’s glaringly obvious I live alone, and often worry that’ll be my downfall. Having a man in the house, sexist as it is, would make me feel more safe. Plus, I’d send him to check out any weird noises.
- Mice and other rodents/pests – The man is definitely in charge of clearing mouse traps, killing (or removing) snakes, and frightening off opossums. End of story.
And mostly, it’s a little lonely at the top. Sure, it’s nice to set my own rules, make my own plans, and be my own boss. But sometimes it’s nice to have a partnership. Someone to backup your decisions or give you another perspective, someone to keep you company when you’re painting walls, doing yard work, or organizing the garage or storage room. And sometimes it’s fun to just have someone to have “moments” with. Whether they’re those silly moments that come randomly, or the bigger moments like anniversaries, holidays and birthdays.
I believe we are on this earth to make connections and love, and I DO have lots of love in my life. I have great siblings, the best parents I could ever want (who are supportive, encouraging, and NEVER ONCE have pushed me to get married – I’d like to thank them for that!), and a slew of friends I can spend time with. I’m probably busier on a typical night than many of my married friends.
That said, I don’t think there’s anything in this world like being “in love” and I hope to someday find the right guy I can fall in love with. Not be forced off the cliff of pretend love out of desperation to meet some social expectation or to force a connection I want but can’t find. I feel confident he’s out there, and I feel like my heart’s open for him. However, in the meantime, I’m not going to force a fit with a guy who isn’t right. Someone who doesn’t get me, or likes me “except.” I don’t want a list of “excepts,” the things I need to change to be the right girl. I don’t want a guy who wants me to go to church more (or believe less). A guy who wants me to be more (or less) involved with my family. Or his. I don’t want a guy who wants me to like to do all of his past time hobbies, or expects t o be involved in all of mine. I want to be two unique, independent individuals who fit imperfectly together. Who support each other’s dreams, want the other to grow and change and are excited about the people we’ll become, not frightened that the older we get the more we’ll grow apart. I want someone who I have “that connection” with. Not lust. I mean, sure I’ll take lust in addition, but I want the connection that very few couples have. That connection where we get each other on a deeper level. I know it exists because I’ve seen it. I’ve also seen a lot of couples fake it. The fake ones are always pretty apparent.
I want the real deal. And I’ll wait as long as it takes to find it.