Who Needs The Right Fiance When You Have The Right Ring?

I don’t know why I preface my blogs with caveats, because I can never hit all of the, “but what if…” scenarios. In this case, I’m speaking specifically of one event, with one person, and the situation she’s in, and the irony.

I say this because while I’m speaking of one person, I know this CAN BE a phenomenon. And it’s maddening.

That said, let’s do this!

I have a friend who somewhat recently found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. With multiple girls, across multiple occurrences. His excuse? She was being a bitch during that time and he needed someone who wasn’t. So he stuck his dobber in a bunch of randos.

Can we pause to say how disgusting this is, people? I mean, really. One in three people has some type of STD/STI. And many cheaters (and closeted gay men) don’t use condoms because having/using a condom is often a sign of premeditation. If it’s all “in the moment” then it’s not as guilt-causing. And if it’s all in the moment, then who has a condom? This is spontaneity, people! But, I digress.

Cheating, From The Perspective Of A Single Girl

I read the article on MSNBC about a woman who went undercover on a dating site specifically for cheaters, Ashley Madison. As I read it I made several notes to self. Notes, which, by the way, are probably irrelevant since I’ve never been married. Never been close. Never even been in a serious relationship much longer than a year. But that doesn’t mean I don’t watch relationships around me unravel. Or change with the ebbs and flows of life. Or listen to frustrations or fears. Or watch as friends settle, then regret it. Or even be happy. Yes, there are happy stories for this cynical girl!

My first response is although the article did state that women and men cheat about equally, it was from the perspective of a female author, which means she was learning about men cheaters. I’ve heard that while men cheat for sex, women cheat for intimate connections with another. The bottom line is, for all people, something seems to be missing. The one despicable thing about these relationships is none of the people using Ashley Madison seem to be willing to communicate the things that are lacking. And in some cases, for men, it was that intimate connection, or a challenging mind, or an outlet just to talk. It was like the men had grown bored. Not just with sex (or in most finger-pointing scenarios, we all believe, lack thereof). But with the connection with their spouse. Life had become mundane, repetitive, and the men felt like they had already lived the best years of their lives.

Oh. My. God. HOW DEPRESSING! Seriously? These men get married and their lives get worse? That blows. Really. And I don’t doubt they feel this way. I also don’t doubt they have a bit of the whiny “woe is me” syndrome going on. We all get it. I got it in my late twenties/early thirties. It felt like “this is it?” And while I stewed in that self-pity for awhile, I ultimately figured out that this is only it if I LET this be it! That’s when I started to think about what I’d want my life to be if it could be anything. A few things in my “dream life” were writing, traveling, trying new things, learning to really cook, finding a dream home and decorating it the way I want it (emphasis on I, not on the next owners), spending a lot of time with my parents, sisters and nieces and nephews, finding those really good friends and spending time with them, and less time with the not-so-great friends that seemed to be plaguing my life, figuring out MY meaning of life, finding a connection with God/the universe, making peace with/preparing for death (yes, seriously – I have an irrational fear of death). I wanted to not only grow and change and improve as a person, but experience stuff, and appreciate life more. Ultimately I wanted to quit my job, but realized I might have to give everything else up in order to do that. So I decided I’d concede to the job thing so I could afford everything else. Hey, life’s not perfect!

OK, so what’s my point? I often don’t have a point, I know. It’s part of my charm.