Over the past few weeks, age and change have helped me see how marriages fall apart. And even without letting it, as most people claim happens with marriage. I have two non-relationship relationship examples. And it’s further killed my faith in everlasting love. (This is in no way a dig on those who are happily married. This is simply my perspective on why I don’t think I’ll ever get married.)
First example – a radio show I love. I won’t mention it so as not to say bad things about it. You know why? Because despite no longer being madly in love with the show, I still care about the people who are on the show. (And I don’t even know them, but it feels like it.) For the past five or so years, I listened to them religiously. I loved the show, related to the hosts, or could relate to the hosts as some of my friends. I would listen from the time I got out of bed, and once the show went into repeat on iHeart Radio, I listened at night to the portions of the show I missed. Or I’d download podcasts. I was infatuated. This is the first part of love, right?
As the years went on, I loved them more and more, and a time came where they were off the air for a week. I genuinely felt sad and in withdraw. No, really.
When the show came back on the air, it was mostly the same, but a little different. Could this be similar to a spouse graduating from college, changing careers, losing weight or taking on other new habits after you’re married? That’s what it felt like. And slowly, over the past six or eight months, or however long it’s been, I’ve drifted. I’ve lost that loving feeling. I’ve tried to recapture it a lot of different ways. I’m not totally ready to check out, but it’s definitely not the “soul mate” I once thought it was. I can go weeks without listening to the show, and if I turn on the replay stream in the evenings, I often find myself bored and turning it off to instead watch crap TV on Netflix (which is another love of mine, so not meant as an insult, just a change in priorities). I used to want to travel to meet the hosts of the show. Now I feel like if I were in their city, I’d be like, “Meh. Not sure I care.” Continue reading