Jealousy, Insecurity and Self-Centeredness Are The New Black

When I was younger, I felt like I was surrounded by strong, independent women. I felt like love was a thing that happened beyond your control, not something you forced,or worse, won. I’m sure I was just a naive girl. Hell, most days I still think I am. But, the world is plagued with a need for reassurance, and competition lurks around every corner.

Two stories. The first is about how women fight over men. And how absurd they act, and for what?Some guy they barely know. Most often also insecure. These women (and men) aren’t even looking for a real connection. Rather, all anyone is looking for is someone to claim as their own. Does it matter if they love one another? Not really. Rather, people are seen as a means to an end. If something about the person is considered, it’s normally looks or other shallow things. No one cares if the person gets her, appreciates her as she is, flaws and all. No one compares moral compasses, or what they see in their future. He doesn’t want kids? Too bad, I am the one with the birth control prescription. She doesn’t want to travel? What’s she gonna do? Sit home alone while I do? Everyone wants what they want, no disregard for their “other half.” And even though he didn’t want kids and she decided they do, she wonders why he isn’t as involved of a father as she wanted. Or, he wonders why she threw such a fit about this three week dream trip o Europe. And why she keeps complaining that hotels aren’t like home and she misses her bed.

If we would all wait for the right person, no matter how long he takes to come along, we would all be a lot happier. And if we weren’t so insecure, we’d realize we are worth the wait. And if we took the time to get to know someone, and appreciate when he’s not a good match, and the race to the alter is insane, maybe we wouldn’t be so angry at the grocery store, we wouldn’t throw tire irons at each other in the drive thru, and we wouldn’t feel trapped in marriage and cheat on our spouses.

Second story of insecurity and competition ties in, but isn’t identical. I took myself out of the dating game for good three years ago. I wasn’t ever the KU of the game. Well, unless it was football season. Then I really, really WAS the KU of “the game.” I sucked. I never saw the point of pretending to be someone else to “hook” a guy. If a friend would “call dibs” on a guy, I’d back off, even if she’d do it based on looks alone, and if I had a better connection with the guy when I got o know him, I’d still respect “the dibs” and stay away. Truth is, when there are a lot of girls, there wasn’t ever a time a new guy would come along that someone wouldn’t call dibs. This is one of the most insane practices in the single girl world. Do guys do this crap? In fact, the second last guy I attempted to get to know, I met with my sisters, who don’t call dibs. And the most recent stranger i met, i met with a guy friend who walked away when he saw me talking, and waited for me outside of the bar to walk me to my car. If it had been a normal night, I never would have even got o talk to the guy. And this is OK. I get that on a scale of 1-10, my interest in getting a guy right now is about a 2. I have no biological clock ticking away. I don’t feel incomplete without a guy, and I don’t need someone to save me from anything. So, I generally respect that calling dibs means they just want a shot. Does that mean I don’t? Nope. And am I the most beautiful person that guys come up with their eye on me? Never. I’m also OK with this. In my fantasy world, I will meet the right guy in a dibs-less scenario. And he won’t just be approaching because I’m hot. Sure, he will be attracted o me, but will get o know me. Will be honest with me. Won’t play games. And will me on the same page as me with what he wants with his future and his moral compass.

Is this a fantasy? Maybe. But I’d rather be single than play the dibs game. I’d rather be secure in who I am, than pretend to be someone I’m not. I’d rather not compete for guys, who aren’t pieces of meat to be won by the most aggressive pursuer. And I’d rather keep my friends than be angry because they “took” a guy. If the guy and I have a connection, he will pursue me. He will see through the insecure “friends” who publicly cut me down to reduce his interest in me. He will see the girls who pursue the hardest are probably pursuing a bunch of guys at the same time, unsure of what type of guy they even want. I suppose guys are the same way. Those who make a move, are making moves on many girls. The guy for me won’t be playing the game, either. He wont be attracted to their insecurity, and will rather be impressed by the things I’ve done with my life. And in the meantime, it’s not too bad to be single. Especially of the majority of guys are just as insecure. Which, my experience is, they are.

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