Gimme Sumthin’ To Believe In

After all of the chicken controversy yesterday, I was talking to my mom. Well, complaining to her. Between the chicken and politics right now, and the general crap I look at on Facebook all day (“Do you love your mom? Click like. If you hate her and hope she dies a slow, terrible death, keep scrolling”). I don’t understand people’s motivations. We’ve already covered the chicken scandal and closeted bigotedness. But everyone’s always spewing hate and judgment everywhere.

First of all, I don’t know how Facebook, in any way, proves your love for anyone. People use it to prove they’re the biggest fan when their team is doing well, as if their support on Facebook has anything to do with success. Or, on the flip, those who hate a team, spew the hate of that team all over and then when their nemesis loses they’re all, “HA! Team name SUCKS!!! I knew they couldn’t pull it out. This team is the worst team in the entire world. I hate all of the players, their fans, their coaches, and anyone who has ever worn their colors, intentionally or accidentally. I hope everyone but me dies in a fiery crash.”  Somehow they get some weird satisfaction from rubbing in a loss – to their fake-friends on Facebook. Because, trust me, you don’t hope your real friends die.

Same thing with politics. Everyone’s always spewing hate. If I could count the number of pro-my side versus hate-opposition, it would be 1 to a million. I respect someone posting who they’re voting for, or even why. But all of this, “I hope Obama gets assassinated, he’s a terrorist” crap is getting old. On the other said, though, it’s exactly the same. There’s so much hate, it’s unreal. America has turned into a polarized, black and white country, where everyone hates everyone else.

Did you know this is a psychological disorder? Seeing only black and white? And I’m sure there’s another psychological disorder causing everyone to be so crazy. But I think it’s a simple case of hate breeding hate. Asshole-boyfriend-of-a-friend posts anti-liberal vitriol, calling everyone ignorant, brain-washed followers. Friend posts either a passive (on her own wall, using the infamous “some people” phrase) or aggressive (on his status) response. Both sides are so convinced only the black and the white are right. Neither will concede there is some gray area in the middle. And if this is truly how they feel, fine. But I feel like it’s a pissing contest for the sake of winning. Your beliefs shouldn’t be, “I’m a republican so I believe this. And you’re a fucking moron because you aren’t also a republican.” Your beliefs should be, “I’ve thought about this and I support this because…”

And it extends to every area of life. People pushing their religious beliefs on everyone, telling them what to believe and they’re sinners if they don’t. Hey, you can believe that, that’s perfectly fine. But shut your damn mouth commanding others how to think. You cannot control someone else’s mind. And it’s exhausting to read.

So, last night I deleted a few “friends” and hid a lot more. I hid all of the hate and judgment. I hid all of the pushy agenda. I hid all of the “I want everyone to think like me” people. Because I like people who have their own minds, and can peacefully articulate those beliefs. During the whole Paterno scandal, I hit a boiling point amidst the football-over-children posts, driven largely by the Campaign 2012 bullshit posts. And after the chicken, oh god the chicken. I’m done. I wish I were a strong enough person to delete all of those haters, but I didn’t. I hid them. 

And next I’m seeking help for my social media addiction, so I can be done with all of it totally. I was a happier person before I knew how much the world hates.

Because my mom says I’ll be happier if I figure out what I believe in, and believe in it and stand up for it. She knows I’ve lost faith in Catholicism. I go into church and all I see is a house of lies. Whether that’s right or wrong, I have an emotional reaction to being in church, and it’s not a good emotion. So I’m working on finding SOMETHING to believe in. Right now, because of social media, I also have a lot of disgust for Christianity and the use of it to hurt and judge and hate others. But maybe that’s an invalid generalization because of a group of loud-mouthed people. All I know is she seems to think I’d be happier if I had something bigger to believe in, and didn’t have to focus on all the hate and bad in the world. When she talks about religion the way she does, it makes me think of more of Eastern religion than Christianity. But I guess I need to figure out what works for me, rather than being stubborn at the cost of my happiness.

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