I have a friend who I parted ways with last summer because our friendship no longer worked. I felt like he was using me to lie for him, and lying to me along the way. I have very little tolerance for lying, and my ability to lie for someone is limited to VERY SHORT time frames. Does this make me a bad friend? I’m sure to many it would. But it’s who I am and take it or leave it. The pro side to this is, as your friend, I won’t lie to you. So you give a little, you get a little. And in this case I was lying for him, taking his abuse, and letting him lie to me. After one particularly bad blow-up, and his inability to take responsibility for said blow-up, I was done.
Since then he’s confronted me on several occasions. All ending badly. I’ve said I want to be acquaintances because we still share some of the same circle of friends. As far as I can tell, most of those mutual friends want to stay out of it, but get dragged into it. I don’t want to give up the friends, but I also can’t stand the thought of one more heated confrontation ending in someone telling me to, “Fuck off.” I mean, come on.
So the question is, how do I get through to this former friend and be clear that our friendship is over? I no longer care if I make my case about WHY anymore. Now I just want him to see that the friendship is over for good. I don’t see us ever going back to being friends again, honestly. I know time heals all wounds, but at this rate he, as an individual, has told me to fuck off more in the past eight months, than the aggregate of all of the other people I’ve ever met. Or even not met. Aggregate of all the “fuck off”s is less for everyone else than him in the past eight months. Sad, right?
The other sad thing is I don’t miss him. I don’t miss the lies and the drama. I don’t miss the selfishness and the blacked out drunkenness. My life’s better without him bringing drama (and police) around me, without him convincing me to drink “just one more shot” or to give him a ride somewhere. It’s better without being in the middle of his arguments, or trying to play peacekeeper (which I always end up doing).
Now I just have to figure out how to shut him down as soon as he approaches me (could I simply walk away?), or make him see once and for all all I want is to be acquaintances who can share a room or an event without getting in each others faces. And that, my friends, is the challenge.