Have you ever had those fleeting moments where you think about death? Or, maybe I’m strange for focusing on NOT thinking about death? Well, last night, I got caught in the “what if there’s nothing” spiral. All I could think about is when I die, what if there’s nothing. What would it be like to NOT exist?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in God. But just because I believe in God doesn’t mean that he actually exists. Before you start throwing stones at me, I think this is actually a semi-intelligent thought process. I don’t think it’s normal to just believe. Rather, you work your way through a problem until you actually believe the result. You don’t simply believe because you’re scared of not believing. But I digress.
Anyway, my first thoughts are of nothingness. Of simply ceasing to exist. My second thoughts are, “If I’m thinking I cease to exist, then by standard Christianity thought, then I’m going to Hell for wondering if I’ll cease to exist.” Then I imagine rather than nothingness, if I have to live all of eternity in my own prison.
It’s definitely easier believing in God and assuming I’m a good enough person to not only not fade into nothingness, but live all of eternity in a good place….