Being A Guido At The Jersey Shore Comes Down To Three Letters: G.T.L.

Wow! Or, JWOWW, if you will! Last night’s episode? Ah-mazing! How do I even being to break it all down?

First, does anyone else want to beat the crap out of Sammi with a blow-up hammer? Because that girl needs it. She’s a mess. She’s a diva. She’s a manipulator. She has an annoying voice. And if she cries one more effin’ time for something that is either stupid or self-inflicted, I swear I’ll take the hammer to Ronnie, too. Jesus.

Second, Vinny. How can every girl not have a little tiny crush on him? He’s so real. Sure he’s a momma’s boy and that’s a deal breaker, but he’s a nice dude. And he’s not as much of a poser (considering his company). Anyone who marries that guy is screwed because they’ll be the new Vinny’s Momma, but still. His family seems cool (but likely not very receptive to intruders). And his take on the Gym, Tanning, Laundry was hilarious. I agree, those things don’t sound fun. And I’d rather play basketball, play pool and go to the beach, too.

Third, oh, my sweet, sweet Snickers bar. She and Sammi are the queens of causing bullshit, then feeling sorry for themselves about it later. And I guess it’s a perfect match because the guys seem to enjoy the bullshit. And seem to enjoy sopping up their tears of self-inflicted pain. Snickers, Snickers, Snickers. If you don’t wanna get hit here’s some advice: Stop antagonizing people and getting in their faces. Or take Pauly’s advice and take karate lessons. Or at the very least learn to duck. Does she have a right to yell and stand up for herself? Sure. Is it annoying as hell when she cries when she gets hit? Undoubtedly.

Fourth, I think it’s hilarious how quickly word of The Situation’s “situation” traveled the boardwalk! He couldn’t get laid if he were at a brothel. And it serves his nasty ass right.

Finally, is it sad I’m developing a tiny crush on Pauly? He’s SO not my type, but he’s legit. He speaks the truth, is hot enough to bag the girls he goes after, and is funny. Except for the G.T.L., fist pounding, and well, every other thing about his outward façade, I think he’s sexy. Confident, a good friend, and never causing drama. Well, maybe not never. But he’s pretty chill. My crush-o-meter ticked up a few marks when he tried to stop the douche-baggery before it started at the bar. Well played, Pauly. With the unexpected, come from behind (only not literally, I’m a good girl, I don’t slut it out at The Shore) win I think Pauly has officially stolen my vote for best dude.

Til next time, I’ll be fist pumpin’ like a champ.

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