But let’s back up. This all started when Beauty Redefined heard about the “Hot or Not” contest ESPN 700 runs. And I’ll be honest, I didn’t even care that much the first time Beauty Redefined posted on one of their contests. I went over and “liked” it out of general agreement, but have never spent much time or energy trying to change anyone. I know people don’t change. And old people are especially resistant to admit they’re wrong. So I figured this is a losing battle. I wasn’t surprised when men stopped commenting as Beauty Redefine posted on that first picture – a sign of fear. Maybe they don’t want to be the first one to be defiant when faced with an emotional dilemma they aren’t sure which side they’re on. Maybe Beauty Redefined was the stick in the mud that made the “game” not as much fun because it suddenly became more than a “man cave event.” Whatever happened, the comments stopped (at least briefly while I watched).  

Then the next week a man or two replied saying they agreed, any many more, now undeterred and certain if ESPN 700 posted another ”Hot or Not” obviously didn’t care that women were demanding respect. “So what the hell? If those guys think it’s still cool, it must be cool, right?” I swear I can see the juvenile letter jackets coming together in the locker room. “Let’s circle jerk, guys, and decide what’s cool!”

And now Beauty Redefined has been passively dismissed. Banished to the uncool table, Mean Girls style, circa 7th grade.

It’s sad, really. I think sports radio/TV guys represent the job many men would love to have. Their job is talking about sports, and many times even talking to and being in the presence of sports stars. Hey, I’m a college basketball fan. When I go to games, people say I’ll probably be arrested for my conduct if a player gets close enough. Mostly that’s a joke. Mostly. And I think all of that is natural. Both me, seeing the appeal of these sports guys, refined and excelling at a very competitive, challenging sport. And them seeing women for as much as they know them through the media (which is mostly looks). The thing is, my perspective doesn’t carry over into my real life. Yet, I watch as looks are a central region men choose their partners. (We won’t get into how these men feel about some of the women they choose based only on looks after a few years with them. The women aren’t bad, but how compatible are you with someone you ONLY think is hot?)

The flip side of the coin is I also have closeted friends and know many guys who ONLY see women as sexual objects do that to make themselves appear manly. And as an offshoot because they only see the beauty and sexuality as prescribed by the media. That is the only part they understand because they aren’t attracted beyond the surface (or, even at the surface, but popular media tells them they SHOULD be, so in an effort to “fit in” that’s how they act). I love my closeted friends. But when they pull this stunt, I want to shake them and say, “WE ALL KNOW!” But I’m digressing. Because I’m not using homosexuality to punch the guys at ESPN 700 or their commenters. And I won’t even pretend I have the power to make them stop doing what they’re doing. I just think it’s ironic that they, in an effort to be all tough and manly, are prescribing to a common “in the closet” technique used by guys who aren’t quite ready to admit they’re gay.

Beyond all of this, the thing that infuriates me most is this objectification of women likely translates into their real life. It’s tough to do something consistently and not have it turn into normal thought. Have you seen how Westboro Church brainwashes their children? After awhile the “God hates the military” crap comes naturally. The same is true with any mindset you adopt, even casually at first. I’ve watched it happen with my guy friends who start out joking about a woman’s looks, then eventually see woman as ONLY looks. After awhile, they become intimidated by women who actually have a brain and challenge this behavior. This is what happened today. Beauty Redefined called into ESPN 700 when they were told they could defend their stance on the “Hot or Not” debate. After holding, not only did they “dismiss” them, saying Hot or Not wasn’t sports related, but they also mocked them on the air, saying something flippant about objectifying their show and how if they objectified women, they wouldn’t put Ricky Lake up. And then laughed and said they weren’t letting them talk. What are you guys? Emotional wife abusers? Sheesh.

First, Ricky Lake, if you’re out there, you’re beautiful! Not that you should care what anyone thinks of your looks. People still say, “You go, girl!” And I still laugh and think of your show. You started a talk show revolution! And then kicked some ass on Dancing With the Stars. Get it.

Second, why have someone call in just to dismiss them? Obviously it was a power move. They used their position of power (the person who could or couldn’t deny airtime) to backed Beauty Redefined into a corner. And then laughed. Is this the 7th grade lunchroom? Grow up. Wherever your moms are, they have to be embarrassed. And hopefully you guys don’t ever have daughters, because they will be raised to believe they’re worthless, will have no ambition, and will sleep around with men just like you looking for unconditional affection daughters need. Oh and they’ll never find it and will live their life unhappy. “Thanks, Dad.” I’ve seen this with girls whose dads are objectifying pigs. Their poor daughters have no self-esteem. And never expect men to respect them for who they are. It’s sad.

If for no other reason, I want this crap to stop. Because it’s not fair to bring your daughters into this mess.

I know men are scared of women like those who created and run Beauty Redefined. They’re scared of women finally saying, “ENOUGH! I’m more than how I look!” They know we’re smart, powerful, motivated and care about people. That’s all you need to be successful and have a fulfilling life.

Are you guys popular? Sure, you’re “famous” as dictated by a very small segment of the world. And you’re using that fame to feel powerful. Probably because you think power equals happiness. But the truth is you’re small-minded men who have no real respect for anyone around you. Living a shallow life is un-fulfilling and is probably over-compensating for what you’re lacking emotionally, mentally and physically. And to be intimidated by women who are realizing their worth in this world is pretty pathetic. Meanwhile, you’ll continue to use this defense mechanism to lead what is probably an unimportant, uninspired life. At some point, if you haven’t already and are just hiding it, you will realize there’s more to life than this. Sure you can all gather round the radio, scratching your balls, guffawing about who’s hot and who’s not to feel superior. But at the end of the day you’re lonely, sad and pathetic. And will never have a real relationship with anyone until you realize people, men and women, are more than surface.

And you guys are too, ESPN 700. Even though someone in your life has obviously hurt you, you deserve to be treated better than you’re treating others. I’m sorry on behalf of whoever hurt you, causing you to shut off the part of your soul that would welcome a fulfilling, enjoyable life. Just because one woman hurts you doesn’t mean all women are bad. And just because you’re unhappy right now doesn’t mean you have to compound the unhappiness by getting in the first punch. You are important. And you can live lives that are bigger than the way you are acting. And if you did, you’d find real happiness.

But in the meantime, continue objectifying women and bonding over manly laughter. And continue telling women they’re worthless beyond their looks, or worthless BECAUSE of their looks. And don’t worry, we’ll continue on, realizing that even though you’re outwardly hurtful, you’re inwardly unhappy. And we will seek out men who aren’t asshats, leaving you guys to squander in your own mess (literally). In the end, you lose. Not that it’s a competition.

OK, let’s be real. You’re sports talk guys. You know everything’s a competition.

Update (1/19/12): Beauty Redefine posted about this event, too. They’re much less emotional and much more factual than I am. It’s a good read. I recommend it!

“Everyone that knows me knows that I’m a hopeless romantic! I love with all of my heart and soul. I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed in to something too soon. I believed in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly.”

So, here’s the thing. I think lots of girls are searching for the “family and babies and a real life” when they get married. It floors me that Kim, as tight as she claims her family is, was searching for that. I’m not saying the statement was fabricated. I don’t care if it was. The thing is, THIS is why many people get married to the wrong person. Would I love to be married to an awesome dude who gets me, makes me laugh, and treats me great? Absolutely. Can I marry any schmuck on the street who shows interest and hope he becomes that person? No. But this is what many women (and even men) do. They’re trying to create something with the wrong ingredients. Can you make a cake if you don’t have flour or eggs or sugar? Probably not. Sure there are crappy vegan versions of cake that are OK. But if you want real cake, the moist kind grandma makes, then you can’t half-ass the recipe with substitutions for the key ingredients. Trust me, I’ve had those cakes. You’re better off with the real deal. Even if it means waiting two weeks (in marriage terms years and years) until you can find all of the perfect ingredients (in marriage terms, the right person).

I don’t want to be eating crappy pseudo-cake the rest of my life. And I also don’t want to be married to the wrong man. Plus, really, I don’t even know Kris Humphries. Or whoever he is. But the very little I’ve seen of him, he’s been a douche. That’s like substituting salt for sugar in your cake. I’m surprised she lasted 72 days.

First of all, I will preface this by saying if someone fantastic came along I’m not going to shut him out. I would love to have “that connection” with someone and share time, experiences and memories with him. Is marriage for me? I’m undecided. I have a feeling if I met someone so great I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, my heart would open to the idea of marriage. But there are so many who think the selection is limited, take the best you can get, marry, and have children. That’s NOT my perspective. I believe you get one life, live it the best you can with what you’re given. And if I’m not “given” a man I feel is a right match for me, then maybe I’ve been “given” the gift of being single!

I have written about being happy being single in the past. But I would also like to address why I might like to have a husband:

• Help around the house. Yes, I said it. And it’s selfish, but there are things you need a second person for, no matter how strong, tall, coordinated you are. And this becomes even more apparent when you aren’t tall, strong or coordinated. I depend on my family for a lot I feel guilty about since they’re all married.
• Going to events. Not because I want a date, but because it sucks to show up somewhere when everyone else is late. Married people are strangely oblivious to how annoying it is for a single person to sit in a restaurant/bar/wait in the lobby of a movie theatre, etc. alone. Especially when you’re in someone else’s way, occupying a large table alone, or in a not-so-safe-feeling environment.
• While we’re at it, it’s nice to NOT walk alone to my car. I don’t necessarily need a man to feel safe, but when it’s late at night in a not-so-well-lit area, having a companion seems to increase safety.
• “Man jobs.” OK, I’m being really sexist here, but there are a lot of things men typically do. Many girlfriends and wives in my life complain that their husbands and boyfriends don’t do these chores right, on the right timeline, or well enough. So who knows, maybe I’d be as ungrateful and complain-y. But mostly I’d just like someone to split the chores (which I guess is similar to help around the house, but more from an efficiency perspective).
• Cheaper per-person bills. I’ve NEVER understood people who say, “You’re so lucky being single and living alone. Your bills have to be SO CHEAP!” Um, hello! Generally, one person uses about as much electricity and gas to heat and cool a house and run general appliances, and has the same house/rent payment as a couple. And you have TWO incomes. It’s NOT cheaper to be single. You pay all the bills alone. If I could find a partner in crime, think how fast we could payoff the house and how early we could retire. And then REALLY start living!
• Security – I live in a safe neighborhood, but I still have my moments of thinking someone else is in the house. I know it’s glaringly obvious I live alone, and often worry that’ll be my downfall. Having a man in the house, sexist as it is, would make me feel more safe. Plus, I’d send him to check out any weird noises.
• Mice and other rodents/pests – The man is definitely in charge of clearing mouse traps, killing (or removing) snakes, and frightening off opossums. End of story.

And mostly, it’s a little lonely at the top. Sure, it’s nice to set my own rules, make my own plans, and be my own boss. But sometimes it’s nice to have a partnership. Someone to backup your decisions or give you another perspective, someone to keep you company when you’re painting walls, doing yard work, or organizing the garage or storage room. And sometimes it’s fun to just have someone to have “moments” with. Whether they’re those silly moments that come randomly, or the bigger moments like anniversaries, holidays and birthdays.

I believe we are on this earth to make connections and love, and I DO have lots of love in my life. I have great siblings, the best parents I could ever want (who are supportive, encouraging, and NEVER ONCE have pushed me to get married – I’d like to thank them for that!), and a slew of friends I can spend time with. I’m probably busier on a typical night than many of my married friends.

That said, I don’t think there’s anything in this world like being “in love” and I hope to someday find the right guy I can fall in love with. Not be forced off the cliff of pretend love out of desperation to meet some social expectation or to force a connection I want but can’t find. I feel confident he’s out there, and I feel like my heart’s open for him. However, in the meantime, I’m not going to force a fit with a guy who isn’t right. Someone who doesn’t get me, or likes me “except.” I don’t want a list of “excepts,” the things  I need to change to be the right girl. I don’t want a guy who wants me to go to church more (or believe less). A guy who wants me to be more (or less) involved with my family. Or his. I don’t want a guy who wants me to like to do all of his past time hobbies, or expects t o be involved in all of mine. I want to be two unique, independent individuals who fit imperfectly together. Who support each other’s dreams, want the other to grow and change and are excited about the people we’ll become, not frightened that the older we get the more we’ll grow apart. I want someone who I have “that connection” with. Not lust. I mean, sure I’ll take lust in addition, but I want the connection that very few couples have. That connection where we get each other on a deeper level. I know it exists because I’ve seen it. I’ve also seen a lot of couples fake it. The fake ones are always pretty apparent.

I want the real deal. And I’ll wait as long as it takes to find it.

It’s better not to care about friends, especially guys. Every week I find those I refer to as “friends” really only care about one person: himself/herself. And hey, I guess that’s OK. But why should I care about them if they don’t care about me? The answer is: I shouldn’t.

It’s better not to care about eating healthy. Why? Well, define what “healthy” even is. No one seems to know. One day it’s low-fat. The next it’s high-protien. The next it’s plant-based foods until everything’s infested with listeria and salmonella and ecoli. Ew. And even beyond that, so we’re supposed to eat plants. But not potatoes. Or corn. Or carrots. Or non-organic spinach. Or canned tomatoes. What the hell are we supposed to eat? It’s easier to hit a drive through and not think about it. And, clearly, even when we try to eat healthy, it’ll never be good enough.

And now that we’re talking about trying not to die, why do we even care? First of all, if we’re a God-fearing Christian, aren’t we looking forward to death? And if we’re stuck here, is there even a point in caring about retirement. The older I get, the more bleak the economy looks, the bigger the asshats running the “system” and the more likely no matter how much I save it’ll all either be lost in the stockmarket or never be enough to retire.

So, really, what’s the point in caring or trying? There really isn’t one.

Well, except I can care about beer. And cheese dip. I mean, how often do you get a food-borne illness from cheese dip? Never. Assuming you don’t put any fresh fruits or veggies in the stuff. I can care about my family, because they aren’t selfish assholes. And I can care about… OK, give me one more thing to round out my list. Sleep? I really do like sleeping. Sure, I’m wasting away my time on this earth. But at least I’m not half-assing something at work, eating something tainted, or spending the little money that won’t be enough to retire on.

Cynical post, done.

And what is more mind-boggling is how he’s using religion (the bible) as his reasoning for his beliefs, but debunks the APA because they’re a group of like-minded individuals. What’s religion? A group of people with like-minded beliefs coming together and expanding on those beliefs. You know how there are people who talk but don’t hear what they’re saying? This guy is that bigot.

See, his problem is he assumes Americans are lemmings. He thinks we’ll believe anyone with a perfectly pressed shirt and an ability to speak. Or that we’ll nod without listening. Sure, I know a lot of people might do that. And many people, like you, Rick, are too scared to form their own beliefs, and instead believe the nearest person who SOUNDS intelligent. Well, we’re onto you. Furthermore, you Rick Santorum, are INDEED a bigot. And since you are clearly unintelligent (quick, someone verify he even attend classes and didn’t pay someone else to), let me tell you what a bigot is.

 Courtesy of Merriam-Webster.

“Definition of BIGOT

1. He was labeled a bigot after making some offensive comments.
2. <an incorrigible bigot who hasn’t entertained a new thought in years>
3. “It’s scandalous,” he said, in the tones once used by Colonel Blimp, Britain’s best-loved bigot, who adorned the pages of the Evening Standard throughout the 1930s. —Nicholas Fraser, Harper’s, September 1996″

Me again! Since Rick’s challenged in the intelligence department, I’ll take you through this like we’re in third grade. It’s OK, I don’t mind. I think education is always worth the time and money.

• Is he obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices? Yes, clearly he can’t listen to a college student. He cuts her off. Calls a “time out.” Who does that? And then tries to tell her not only is she wrong, he tries to insult her to shut her up. Classic move, dick. Er, Rick. No, I mean dick. That’s what controlling assholes do. They cut someone off so they can’t speak their mind because they’re terrified of logic coming out. Then flip the situation to insult and demean the other person. For reference, please see any episode of Jersey Shore. Ronnie and Sammi have this mastered.
• Is he one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance? Maybe not a racial or ethnic group, but a group. Oh, hell yes.

If someone wants to spew hate in the privacy of their own home (or church). Fine. But you can’t lead a country (or company or anything else) when your mindset is hate and closed-mindedness. And when you don’t HEAR those around you who you’re supposed to be speaking for. For some inane reason this guy went into a college and expected to get a bunch of head nods and general acceptance. But instead was called out for his hatred and intolerance. And this hate and intolerance was backed by religion. I believe this guy is Catholic. Where the hell are the “leaders” of the Catholic church? Why don’t THEY come out and say they don’t condone, teach or tolerate this vomit? No, I’m being serious. And you can throw little boys and priest jokes at me. But that’s a totally different issue. Many people claim it has to do with homosexuality, but that’s just another way to bash and discriminate. No, the issue is, priests work with children. Pedophiles find a way to work with children. And the priesthood is an easy way to monopolize that position. It’s further aggravated by the fact that the Catholic church will cover up the actions of these pedophiles to keep their good name clean.

So why aren’t these same Catholics speaking out to keep their good name clean? I’m being dead serious here. And I’ll wait and wait and wait and no one in the Catholic religion will do such a thing. Why? Cowards. They’re too scared to speak up. Too scared to go against the herd. Too scared to put to rest the bigotry perpetuated by “their book.” The book they claim to follow. All you do is condone these thoughts and these actions of intolerance and hate when you don’t speak up. All you’re doing is making it OK for “Christians” to spew hate and hurt someone who has done nothing to deserve it. And for that, the Catholic religion (and any other Christian religion who does not speak up and say this isn’t right) holds less credence to me and many young people. Who’s going to build your fancy churches with your big bricked hallways if you can’t find young people to follow you? And where will you find young people with such antiquated beliefs and intolerance. Soon all of Christianity will be Westboro Baptist Church. I’m sure at one point ole Freddy Phelps was normal, then an outspoken douchebag like Rick, then when people didn’t disagree with him his hate spiraled. And here we are today. Everyone’s disgusted with Westboro in general. But I actually hear people saying, “But you know, their church is actually going by the bible with their beliefs about [insert homosexual slur].” REALLY? So you can see it’s ridiculous to hate those fighting in war. But you can’t see ridiculousness in hating another group? Get it together “Christians.”

Don’t use God’s name or a man-run religion to back up your un-Christian-like and immoral spewings. You are as bad as Westboro. And if you can’t see that, maybe America really is going down the drain.

But I’ve lost track of the point because there’s so much going on here.

Dude’s a bigot. And hypocrite. But most bigots are. It’s sad, really. I feel sorry for you, Rick Santorum. With your “perfect” outfit. And your “perfect” wife. And your “perfect” family. And your “perfect” haircut. You know what? Maybe you should learn to be yourself, rather than being who you think everyone else wants you to be. Maybe you should develop a thought of your own or question an institution that’s out-dated and led by a bunch of people who agree with one another. If you want to truly learn, grow, and be leadership material, you will walk into a room of those who disagree with you and LISTEN. Listen to their perspective. And be open-minded.

And realize religion should be about acceptance, tolerance, love, understanding and being a good, moral, ethical person.

That, and I hope your wife and children forgive you when you come out of the closet. Because you will. Eventually. God speed.

And what, exactly, will we talk about? It’s clear, in my manager’s eyes, I’m not capable of making good decisions and not a competent employee. I’ve NEVER been micro-managed in my life. And now, in my thirties, and ten year into a career in this field, I need to be micro-managed. No matter what I do it’s not good enough, is selfish and is not acceptable. I feel like I COULD be an integral part of what used to be a team. The team mantra no longer exists. And my consistently beat down self-esteem and resulting attitude has made me lose focus and motivation. I honestly no longer care.

First of all, the shirt’s supposed to be sarcastic. No one gets sarcasm anymore. It’s the downfall of society, really. Can’t we laugh at stuff? Everyone’s so damn serious. It’s boring. Second of all, let’s be honest ladies, it’s true. Your looks can totally get you through life. It’s been proven that better looking people are given more leeway in life. They are regarded more positively and more likely to be trusted. Since they started televising presidential debates (JFK’s election), the elected official has decidedly been the better looking one. It’s a fact of life. And trust me, I watch many men (consciously or otherwise, I’m not placing blame) giving leeway to the prettier girls/ladies/women around here. And many (although definitely not all) of them use it to their advantage. Play stupid and giggly. “Oh she didn’t mean to do that.”

I was raised to be accountable, independent, responsible and take work seriously. And I watch many pretty girls (again, not all!) take the ditzy way out. Look, it’s not cute you can’t lift a box. And it’s not funny you didn’t deposit my paycheck into the right account. And it’s not sweet that you don’t know what a 401(k) is or that STDs exist. Take effing accountability for yourselves, ladies!

But I’m digressing.

My point is, you CAN use your looks to get you a better paying job. Or out of doing work or knowing everything you should know about your job. It’s true. The shirt’s right. Although just because you’re cute when you’re 13 doesn’t mean you will be when you’re 18 or 25 or 55. So you’re latching yourself to a fleeting shooting star. There are many things you can do to keep your appearance up, but there are also lots of things out of your control. So keep that in mind. Smarts and drive lasts forever. OK, not forever. But mostly forever.

And for those girls who don’t even plan on getting a job, your looks will help you here, too. You’re more likely to marry a bajillionaire. And of this, I’m jealous. OK, a little. I’d honestly rather find a guy I truly connect with and am in love with. (Much like Danny and Annie - I’d be in the poorhouse to find “my Danny.”) But I’m 31, haven’t found anyone even worth dating seriously, and am losing hope there’s anyone just right for me. Don’t feel bad for me. I’m happy single. I’m not lonely. In fact, most days I’m wishing there were MORE hours! And weekends are on a whole different needed hours level. But, let’s be real. Do you see a tycoon married to a dumpy girl? Sure, it happens, but those connections are probably more like Danny and Annie than Hef and a Playmate. Probably high school sweethearts.

And when it goes sour because you can be replaced with a younger model? Yep, you got it right, you’ll get alimony or some other divorce settlement. If you had kids, even better!

So that’s the real deal, society. We make this shirt real. Sure it’s sarcastic, but sarcasm comes from truth. And the truth is, if you’re pretty, you have an advantage. Will your brother do your homework because he thinks you’re pretty? Probably not. But society and bosses (i.e. your parents) might make him do extra work because you’re so pretty.

It’s life. Get used to it.

And I’ll be honest. I don’t think I’m bad-looking, but I definitely wouldn’t categorize myself as “hot.” And there are MANY times I’m glad I’m not that hot girl. I’m taken seriously, I’m rarely given the run around (although I have had my moments) and I’m never used as arm candy. I know people respect me at work for me, for my mind, for my work. And I know guys who are interested are interested in me and our connection. There’s some comfort in that. So for all of you girls who aren’t pretty enough to have someone do your homework, it’s not a bad deal. Looks are NOT everything. I have had plenty of interest from guys, and because I’m smart, I am selective! And I’ve made it very far in my job. And don’t spend hours getting ready every morning. It’s not a bad gig!

Just in my short time at the fabric store I encountered five (yes, five) bitchy women. And there were probably less than fifteen people in the store. First, some lady was complaining to the lady cutting her fabric. I didn’t listen very well. I just avoided because I feel sorry for employees who are getting yelled at by someone who doesn’t even want the problem fixed. They just want to complain.

Second, I was back in the back corner of the store and got some batting. There was what I believed to be a cutting table in the same area, but no one at the table. And I didn’t know how the store worked, if I had to take the batting, closest to this table, to this table for cutting or if I could take it across the store. So I did what I do in all situations where I don’t want to get yelled at (by a bitchy middle aged woman) and trolled Facebook until someone came to help me. Finally a (middle aged) woman comes around the corner, exasperated, and says, “She’s coming. I had to get her.” I said, “OK.” Clearly making it known I wasn’t motivated enough to look, so she would be first in line.

Said employee soon comes around the corner and asks me what I need. Fire-breathing, already grumpy middle aged woman customer gets GRUMPY, mean-mugging me with hate daggers. I start to answer (to say I was here second) and she says, “You just want some of that cut?” And I’m paralyzed. Knowing the not so friendly customer service lady SHOULD HAVE handled this better, and now I’m the bad guy. And that it’s possible the customer is going to pull a machete out of her purse and mow us all down. I finally say, “Yesbutshewasherefirst.” (All in one quick, frightened word.) And the lady says, “I know that.” Jesus. Really? OK, so why don’t you help HER? And she says, “If you want that cut, you need to go over there.”

Fine.

At this point I just want to leave the store.

Luckily the other cutting table is (wo)manned by a younger girl who cuts my batting. In the meantime some lady with a cart comes through behind her, and clearly can’t fit. I mean she, minus the cart, might have been able to fit, but even that was a stretch. There simply wasn’t room for her to be wandering around back there. And she stops her cart right next to the girl (who is mid-measure). And stands there. Awkwardly. And quite pissed. Finally the girl notices her and the lady says, “I’m just trying to get by here.” I know the girl wanted to say, “Why don’t you go back the way you came?” But she just smiled and squeezed in close to the table.

Finally, on my way out, the store was setup kind of strangely so it was hard to form a line. I ended up behind a few people and stood between two display racks. I know I was the first person there because when I came up to the register I couldn’t decide where to stand, but as the line moved forward  a lady was standing on the other side. She SHOULD have seen me standing there (I thought she was shopping). And she verbally huffs at me like I just cut in line. With my three items (versus her cartful), she was noticeably pissed at me. Apparently for being in the store. I don’t know?

Anyway, rather than curse the day I’m middle aged and bitchy because it seems like this is everyone’s destiny, I decided to think about all of the reasons they are the way they are. Mostly because I want to avoid the same destiny, but also so I can understand and feel sorry for them.

So here’s the list of things I assume are making them grouchy:

1. Hormones – We gotta throw that one out there, I guess. I don’t know anything about this, though.
2. Marriage – The more of my friends that get married (and divorced), the more I realize a lot of people get married to get married, and then later regret it. Some of these friends will stay married because it’s “the right thing to do.” That can’t make a person happy.
3. Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be – They’re disenchanted, like me. Life didn’t turn out the way they dreamed it would. And rather than it being a new phenomenon, it’s gotten old and now they’re pissed.
4. Exercise – If I don’t workout, I’m a bitch. I’m not saying anything else.
5. Disrespected and Misunderstood – Most of these women acted as though they expected to be disrespected. Maybe they feel like no one respects them, and expect it, so they’re bitchy all the time because they’re recalling those past events. Maybe they feel invisible. I know as a kid I felt like that a lot. And when I did, I’d throw a tantrum to get my perspective heard. This is honestly where I’m putting my money.

So to all of you middle aged women out there, everyone in this world isn’t bad. Don’t assume they are. It’s a bad color on you! Save your rage and unleash it on someone who truly deserves it. If you’re that unhappy in your marriage, get out. If your hormones are out of control, see your doctor. There are natural ways to try to remedy it. Get in a little bit of a workout everyday. It’s not hard to break a sweat. It burns off some rage. And if you’re pissed about your life or getting ignored, then do something about it. Do you wish your life had turned out another way? How would that be? Find a tiny step to fix it. If you always imagined you’d have taken a trip to Italy by now, start saving today! If you thought you’d be able to spend more time with your grandkids, then start hosting dinner at your house! If you don’t want to support your leaches of children, cut them off. Tell them by the end of this year they need to be financially solvent and independent. For good. (This is assuming they aren’t 12 years old.)

Whatever it is, change it. Sure, life sucks and people suck. But that doesn’t mean you have to ruin your day before it’s bad. Or ruin someone else’s. Get it together. You aren’t getting any younger.

How does this happen? How can two people who used to be over the moon about each other fall out of love? And if it’s so easy, why is marriage so common? Haven’t we evolved enough to realize this “phenomenon?”

The truth is, the older I get, the more I feel like I’m blessed to have not found someone when I was younger and envious. And the bigger truth is, even if I’d meet an awesome guy I really enjoy spending time with, I don’t know if I see myself ever getting married. I feel like I’ve surpassed the stage in my life where I want to have kids. I’m happy enough playing with my nieces and nephews and keeping my own freedom. Hey, I never said I wasn’t selfish. But I really don’t see myself with children. I don’t long for them. I never feel my biological clock ticking. And if anything, the only thing I’ve EVER seen myself doing is adopting. And at this point, I feel like I’m not even cut out to do that.

But I’m digressing. My question is: Is love real? If it is, how is it so fleeting? Or is momentary love the only real thing? And long-term not really as lovey as it seems? Or maybe we’re all disenchanted about what we expect love to be?

And he says this caused his wife to become a fame whore.

Newsflash, douchebag. She was always a fame whore, but never had the stage to let her whore flag fly! And you can’t tell me you didn’t know she was a fame whore. Let’s be real, people. We all know people who are strangely obessed with becoming famous. It’s normal for a 10 year old girl to want to be famous. But those dreams usually fade when the reality of life sets in. And you realize fame isn’t where it’s at. Friends, family, memories are the things you aim toward. Well, at least well adjusted people do. Some people crave the fame, even into their forties, apparently. Thank God these aren’t my parents.

To these idiots, all I can say is, you valued fame over the sanctity of your marriage. And you reaped what you sowed. In other words, you deserved it. So shut the hell up!