Middle Aged and More Disenchanted

I had an eye-opening experience this weekend in a fabric store. Well, not really eye-opening so much as I finally tried to figure out why some stereotypes seem to be fairly consistently true. And this stereotype is that middle aged women are bitchy. Sorry, ladies. It’s not all of you (soon to be us), but it’s such a big majority, I know something’s going on to make it that way. Men seem to get more relaxed and sweeter the older they get (even the pervy ones). But women seem to hate life and everyone who’s in it with them.

Just in my short time at the fabric store I encountered five (yes, five) bitchy women. And there were probably less than fifteen people in the store. First, some lady was complaining to the lady cutting her fabric. I didn’t listen very well. I just avoided because I feel sorry for employees who are getting yelled at by someone who doesn’t even want the problem fixed. They just want to complain.

Second, I was back in the back corner of the store and got some batting. There was what I believed to be a cutting table in the same area, but no one at the table. And I didn’t know how the store worked, if I had to take the batting, closest to this table, to this table for cutting or if I could take it across the store. So I did what I do in all situations where I don’t want to get yelled at (by a bitchy middle aged woman) and trolled Facebook until someone came to help me. Finally a (middle aged) woman comes around the corner, exasperated, and says, “She’s coming. I had to get her.” I said, “OK.” Clearly making it known I wasn’t motivated enough to look, so she would be first in line.

Said employee soon comes around the corner and asks me what I need. Fire-breathing, already grumpy middle aged woman customer gets GRUMPY, mean-mugging me with hate daggers. I start to answer (to say I was here second) and she says, “You just want some of that cut?” And I’m paralyzed. Knowing the not so friendly customer service lady SHOULD HAVE handled this better, and now I’m the bad guy. And that it’s possible the customer is going to pull a machete out of her purse and mow us all down. I finally say, “Yesbutshewasherefirst.” (All in one quick, frightened word.) And the lady says, “I know that.” Jesus. Really? OK, so why don’t you help HER? And she says, “If you want that cut, you need to go over there.”

Fine.

At this point I just want to leave the store.

Luckily the other cutting table is (wo)manned by a younger girl who cuts my batting. In the meantime some lady with a cart comes through behind her, and clearly can’t fit. I mean she, minus the cart, might have been able to fit, but even that was a stretch. There simply wasn’t room for her to be wandering around back there. And she stops her cart right next to the girl (who is mid-measure). And stands there. Awkwardly. And quite pissed. Finally the girl notices her and the lady says, “I’m just trying to get by here.” I know the girl wanted to say, “Why don’t you go back the way you came?” But she just smiled and squeezed in close to the table.

Finally, on my way out, the store was setup kind of strangely so it was hard to form a line. I ended up behind a few people and stood between two display racks. I know I was the first person there because when I came up to the register I couldn’t decide where to stand, but as the line moved forward  a lady was standing on the other side. She SHOULD have seen me standing there (I thought she was shopping). And she verbally huffs at me like I just cut in line. With my three items (versus her cartful), she was noticeably pissed at me. Apparently for being in the store. I don’t know?

Anyway, rather than curse the day I’m middle aged and bitchy because it seems like this is everyone’s destiny, I decided to think about all of the reasons they are the way they are. Mostly because I want to avoid the same destiny, but also so I can understand and feel sorry for them.

So here’s the list of things I assume are making them grouchy:

  1. Hormones – We gotta throw that one out there, I guess. I don’t know anything about this, though.
  2. Marriage – The more of my friends that get married (and divorced), the more I realize a lot of people get married to get married, and then later regret it. Some of these friends will stay married because it’s “the right thing to do.” That can’t make a person happy.
  3. Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be – They’re disenchanted, like me. Life didn’t turn out the way they dreamed it would. And rather than it being a new phenomenon, it’s gotten old and now they’re pissed.
  4. Exercise – If I don’t workout, I’m a bitch. I’m not saying anything else.
  5. Disrespected and Misunderstood – Most of these women acted as though they expected to be disrespected. Maybe they feel like no one respects them, and expect it, so they’re bitchy all the time because they’re recalling those past events. Maybe they feel invisible. I know as a kid I felt like that a lot. And when I did, I’d throw a tantrum to get my perspective heard. This is honestly where I’m putting my money.

So to all of you middle aged women out there, everyone in this world isn’t bad. Don’t assume they are. It’s a bad color on you! Save your rage and unleash it on someone who truly deserves it. If you’re that unhappy in your marriage, get out. If your hormones are out of control, see your doctor. There are natural ways to try to remedy it. Get in a little bit of a workout everyday. It’s not hard to break a sweat. It burns off some rage. And if you’re pissed about your life or getting ignored, then do something about it. Do you wish your life had turned out another way? How would that be? Find a tiny step to fix it. If you always imagined you’d have taken a trip to Italy by now, start saving today! If you thought you’d be able to spend more time with your grandkids, then start hosting dinner at your house! If you don’t want to support your leaches of children, cut them off. Tell them by the end of this year they need to be financially solvent and independent. For good. (This is assuming they aren’t 12 years old.)

Whatever it is, change it. Sure, life sucks and people suck. But that doesn’t mean you have to ruin your day before it’s bad. Or ruin someone else’s. Get it together. You aren’t getting any younger.

10 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by lynds on August 30, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Oh man. That is one hellacious trip to the fabric store. I have never seen that many instances in one place. Usually restaurants are a hotbed for it though. I think pushing waitresses around makes middle aged women feel important. Sad. And rude. That being said, most of our patients are women in their 50’s and they are almost all a joy to be around. Of course they all have perfectly balanced hormones.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Lena on May 19, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Ha ha ha, I thought I was the ONLY one to experience this miserable middle aged female phenomenon of those who so obviously detest their life choices and have made it their mission to openly unleash thier useless venom on unsuspecting happy decent folks! Wow!

    Reply

  3. Posted by moody on December 31, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    i am a middle aged woman. and yes, i agree with the writer of this blog. i’ve often tried to understand my own bitchy-ness and the bitchy-ness of other middle aged women i am associated with at work or in my family or among acquaintances. i find that for myself, i am bitchy because i have had to admit to myself my own failures. i am now able to look back on my life and realize that i am the only one to blame. and no one else. my lack of accomplishments and my continuous inability to complete anything in my life makes me perpetually frustrated. i am sad and angry over “what could have been” had i had a better environment; a less abusive one as a child. my mom made me eat the dirt she swept up from our home after i thought i’d swept properly. she once told me that i deserved to be dragged in the woods and raped like a dog. how much better a parent i could have been had i developed the degree of self awareness i have now at this too-late age. i am bitter and angry about the horrible parent i was and how it is ultimately impossible to turn back time and start all over again. i am bitter and angry over not having enough love for myself to be lovable to someone else. i am assertive and speak my mind out of fear that my vulnerability be exposed and taken advantage of as was my early history of growing up and being abused and hurt by so many. this is one bitter angry bitch’s confession. thanks for listening.

    Reply

    • Posted by Brenda on April 25, 2013 at 5:32 am

      You are so brave to be so honest. I think we all do the best we know how to in life, God bless you.

      Reply

  4. Posted by MiddleAgedWoman on May 27, 2013 at 11:36 pm

    Disagree. Tired of the middle aged women bashing. Anyone can have an off day. Besides, why judge only women of a certain age? Are they suppose to smile and pretend things are ok when it clearly is not?

    Reply

    • I don’t want anyone to fake anything. I want them to figure out the cause and fix it. Obviously there’s an issue if “middle aged women bashing” is a “thing.” My intention isn’t to bash anyone or suggest they cover it up. Rather, I was trying to point out how common it is. Often people are miserable (and making others miserable by extension) and don’t even realize it. Or they realize it, and don’t care because they’re so unhappy. If your good days are the exception, then change something. Change your surroundings, your diet, your activity level. Find a hobby. Volunteer. Check your vitamin and mineral levels. Figure out how to make sleep a priority – and if there’s an issue doing that, figure out why. I’m simply stating I’ve noticed many middle aged women are unhappy, and think there must be an underlying cause. No one should waste their life being unhappy.

      Reply

  5. Posted by tanya on September 17, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    this is so true some of them are such horrifying psychotic viscous creatures they could l make baba yaga look decent others are pure evil and filthy…goodness if only i knew BEFORE how truly common and widespread this disease is would’ve been so much more careful and on guard before putting up for so long with a bunch of vacuous immoral wrinkled hags…truly bitter truly useless and they let everybody know..by carying a huge advert ..banner/demo of themselves as total losers..hopeless.thugs of hope and happiness.thx for this enlightening article,..these women are the curse of the earth and should be wiped out like weeds..

    Reply

  6. Thank god all women in their twenties and thirties are perfect and happy. I agree the biggest flaw in women is their advancing age. Perhaps our hideous bitter vitamin deprived flabby soulless bodies should just be put in some kind of special home or camp so sweet young things like you don’t have to be bothered. Shame on you for your judgements and over generalizations.

    Reply

    • I think your comment is a little ironic. But first I’d like to clarify, I never said anything about how anyone looks. Second, while I AM generalizing (it has to be done to make a post like this), I clearly said at the beginning it’s not ALL women. But the angry way you responded sounds to me like you fit in the majority of my experience, and I’m sad for you for that. Genuinely.

      My post wasn’t meant to attack you or anyone else, it was meant to try to find a solution to the problem. There’s a reason people are angry and mean. Most of the time in younger people, it’s insecurity. But in the case of middle aged women, they should be secure in who they are. So what’s causing the problem?

      My guess was unhappiness in how their life has turned out, or maybe how women are marginalized in general. Or maybe after living a life of giving to others but not getting much thanks in return, you’re annoyed. Or maybe it’s just simply everything’s a letdown. You tell us. What’s causing your unhappiness? And what can you do to feel better? Or what can we learn from you to live happier lives?

      Reply

      • Posted by Almostmidaged on August 17, 2014 at 7:35 pm

        This is so true, proceed with caution when dealing with any mid forty age woman. That seems to be the magic number, give or take a few years. They are so so bitter, and judgmental. I’ve finally come to this conclusion after years of trying to get along, woman after women, mid forties,, same exact thing. I hope to god I do not become this woman in the near future. I miss my energy and wonder of twenties, know myself better in thirties, hopefully bitterness is not all I have to look forward too!

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